But
by sierra.steinbrecher
Summary: Have you ever seen something on someone's profile and inherently disagreed with it? I'm taking those and rewriting them as I see fit.
1. But

At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping it all over his lap.

 _But some of us got an extra spoon so he could share it._

When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him by never even bothering to practice.

 _But some of us made him smile with all the silly little tunes we came up with on our own._

When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to football to ballet lessons. You thanked him by jumping out of the car and never looking back.

 _But some of us ran up and hugged him after the game when we won._

When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row.

 _But some of us asked him all about his favorite part the whole ride home._

When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house.

 _But some of us still had it on when he came back, and he watched it with us while warning us about the bad parts._

When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion. You thanked him by telling him he had no taste.

 _But some of us teased him back about his hair, and he said he liked our long hair better anyway._

When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter.

 _But some of us called him once a week and hugged him so hard he fell over when we finally came home._

When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked.

 _But some of us kissed him at dinner and asked how work was._

When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You thanked him by taking it every chance you could.

 _But some of us only took it out with him so he could teach us. We were too scared without him._

When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him by being on the phone all night.

 _But some of us had our own phones._

When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked him by staying out partying until dawn.

 _But some of us had that party…with him._

When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus and carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.

 _But some of us never went in the dorm, because we went to school close enough to our family to stay with them._

When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you how deep he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across the country.

 _But some of us ruined our honeymoons crying about how much we were going to miss him, and lit up like Christmas came early when he came to visit._

When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him. You thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their children.

 _But some of us threw away the book, disgusted, and called our siblings to see how he was._

And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART.

 _But some of us had memories to fall back on._

* * *

I just got married and went through a very painful separation period from my family, who I'd lived with up until that point. Then, I saw this on someone's profile, and went to write a version more in tune with what I've gone through in my life. It's not much, but it really comes from my heart.


	2. Sometimes

SOMETIMES—

Sometimes you gotta run away so you can see who'll run after you... sometimes you gotta talk quieter just to see who's listening... sometimes you gotta step up in a fight just to see who's standing behind you... sometimes you gotta make a wrong decision just to see who's there to fix it... sometimes you gotta let go of the one you love just to see if they love you enough to come back...

SOMETIMES—

Sometimes you have to stand your ground to catch the one running towards you. Sometimes you have to open your ears to hear someone else's mumbling. Sometimes you have to step between a fight to see which friend will stop first. Sometimes you have to make the right decision…for someone else's sake. Sometimes you can't let the ones you love leave, because they'll hurt themselves if they do.

 **Here's another thing I snagged from someone's profile, and a lot of the time I'm on the other end of these things, with friend and sometimes family members. We've all had these moments if we love someone, and usually, when the other person does the things listed in the first part, which is what I copied from a profile, it's not fun for the other party. Please Review!**


	3. This is Wrong

**HOMOPHOBIA IS STUPID!**

I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday.  
I am the girl kicked out of her home, because I confided in my mother I'm a lesbian.  
I am the prostitute working the streets, because no one will hire a transsexual woman.  
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.  
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.  
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of 27 years into the room.  
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had.  
I wish they could adopt me.  
I am not one of the lucky ones.  
I killed myself weeks before graduating high school.  
It was just too much to bear.  
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us because she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.  
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.  
I am the mother who is not even allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised.  
The court says I am unfit mother because I now live with another woman.  
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.  
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.  
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.  
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to trach gym until somebody told me only lesbians do that.  
I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.  
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't always have to deal with society hating me.  
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.  
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most: love.  
I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.  
I am the boy tied to the fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson".

 **THAT'S MESSED UP! IF YOU BELIEVE HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG REPOST THIS.**

 **FEAR OF CATHOLICISM IS STUPID!**

I am the boy who transferred high schools, to get away from the way other guys talked about girls.  
I am the girl kicked out of her home, because I confided in my atheist mother I'm a Catholic.  
I am the missionary working the streets, because the government outlawed my religion.  
I am the sister who holds her brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights when he finds out God wants him to be a priest instead of have a family.  
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.  
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let the chaplain in to give me last rights.  
I am the foster child who loves getting away from my family to go to youth group at my church.  
I am not one of the lucky ones. There was a shooting at my church, and I was a victim.  
We are the couple who had the teacher call us when our son defended God in class.  
I am the person who never knows if I should pray before meals, because someone might complain.  
I am the mother who has to fight every day to teach my children good values, because the world doesn't want them to know.

I am the domestic-violence survivor that the world thinks is crazy because I forgave my abuser.  
I am the domestic-violence survivor who will not divorce my abuser because I believe marriage is forever.  
I am the father who watched his son get laughed at because he went to mass on Sunday instead of the football game.  
I am the English teacher who lost my job because I wanted to teach a unit on the Bible  
I am the woman who baptized a dying infant and got sued by the parents  
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't always have to deal with society hating me.  
I am the man who keeps attending church, even though the world thinks that, as a gay man, I should give up on it.  
I am the person who has love for all but who the world won't listen to.  
I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a Catholic, because they constantly make fun of them.  
I am the boy tied to the fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two men wanted to "teach me a lesson".

 **THAT'S MESSED UP! IF YOU BELIEVE PREJUDICE AGAINST CATHOLICISM IS WRONG REPOST THIS.**

 **By now, I've seen the first version of this everywhere and while I agree with some of it, there is one line in there that I take serious issue with; the one about the church. I am Catholic, but I also have friends, in the church, who are homosexual. We still love them like God asks us to. They are our friends and family, and we understand that, many times, they can't change it. It's part of who they are. It's like having brown hair. It doesn't change the fact that we still love them. When they act on that and go against the teachings of the church, that is not okay, but we forgive it, because we love them. We will always love them. If you wish to debate me on this or have questions, feel free to PM me, but don't leave hating reviews. Please. We should be able to respect each other, not throw** **fiery** **accusations and hate.**


	4. Friends

**FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS**

 **FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.**

 **BEST FRIENDS: Will help you understand why so you can be better for the next time you try. But only if you really like him.**

 **FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.**

 **BEST FRIENDS: Will point out why this was a good thing and make you laugh.**

 **FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.**

 **BEST FRIENDS: Helps you up, gathers your spilled groceries, and take some so you don't fall again.**

 **FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.**

 **BEST FRIENDS: Asks why you need one.**

 **FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.**

 **BEST FRIENDS: Will hand you a tissue and cuddle until you feel better.**

 **FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.**

 **BEST FRIENDS: You already know where they are, so grab one yourself.**

 **FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.**

 **BEST FRIENDS: Will nix the pool and go hiking with you instead.**

 **FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.**

 **BEST FRIENDS: Ditches their umbrella and races you to the car.**

 **FRIENDS: Will help you move.**

 **BEST FRIENDS: Will help, and then stay a week afterwards helping you discover all the cool things about your new town.**

 **FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.**

 **BEST FRIENDS: Will have stopped you from being an idiot and winding up there in the first place.**

 **FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.**

 **BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves, but also bring snacks to share.**

 **FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.**

 **BEST FRIENDS: Call everyone in your family by first names. Who needs titles?**

 **FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.**

 **BEST FRIENDS: Have seen you when you're bawling all over their shirt.**

 **FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.**

 **BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.**

 **FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.**

 **BEST FRIENDS: Uses the borrowed stuff as an excuse to have you over.**

 **FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.**

 **BEST FRIENDS: Hey, they have to be prepared for a Maid of Honor speech. They better know you!**

 **FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.**

 **BEST FRIENDS: Will not be part of the crowd in the first place.**

 **FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.**

 **BEST FRIENDS: Will tackle you when you meet them in the driveway.**

 **FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.**

 **BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.**

 **FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college.**

 **BEST FRIENDS: Are for life, wherever that may take you.**


	5. Mom

When you were 5, your mom gave you an ice cream cone. You thanked her by yelling at her that it's the wrong kind, _because it was the one she ordered. You switched and laughed._

When you were 9, your mom drove you from swimming class to soccer and one birthday party to another. You thanked her by slamming the door and never looking back, _because you were busy buckling up and yammering all about your day to your mom._

When you were 10, your mom payed for piano classes. You thanked her by never coming to class, _because your teacher, who came to your house for lessons, became your best friend and you practiced together in your living room so your mom could hear everything._

When you were 12, your mom was waiting for a very important call. You thanked her by talking on the phone all night, _because the phone call she waited for was the one from you when she was away on a business trip._

When you were 14, your mom payed for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by not bothering to write a single letter, _because who needs snail mail when you have Facetime, Facebook, and Skype?_

When you were 16, your mom taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you got, _especially when your younger siblings needed a lift. You'd be their chauffer and give the poor lady a break._

When you were 17, your mom drove you to the mall and gave you her credit card. You thanked her by maxing it out, _because that fun card and pretty dress made a really great Mother's Day gift._

When you were 18, your mom cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by partying until dawn, _with her and all the others who helped you get there._

When you were 20, your mom drove you to collage. You thanked her by saying good-bye to her outside the dorm so you wouldn't have to say bye in front of your friends, _and so she wouldn't see your bawling face when you collapsed inside because of how much you were going to miss her._

When you were 26, your mom payed for your wedding. You thanked her by moving halfway across the world, _and it was the hardest thing you'd ever done, being so far away._

When you were 30, your mom fell ill and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents became to children, _and vowing you would not be like that, and be like your mom instead._

Then, one day, she quietly died and everything you did came crashing down on you.  
 _Crashing? I don't think so. Those good memories are the only reason you could keep going with a smile._

 **I found the version of this for moms, and just had to do a repeat performance. I tried not to do it the same way, and some of the things might be hard to understand, but a lot of this comes from my childhood and my sibling's, so it's really close to me.**


	6. Lessons

**IMPORTANT THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME!**

1\. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2\. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3\. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4\. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

5\. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6\. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7\. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8\. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9\. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10\. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11\. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12\. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13\. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14\. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

15\. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16\. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

17\. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18\. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19\. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20\. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21\. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22\. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23\. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24\. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25\. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

 **IMPORTANT THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME!**

1\. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "These cookies are delicious! Thanks for baking them!"

2\. My mother taught me RELIGION. "Okay, recite the Saint Michael Prayer."

3\. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "We're going back to pioneer times for history class."

4\. My mother taught me LOGIC. "If you don't take care of the chickens, soon you won't have them."

5\. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "Take out the trash, or it will start smelling."

6\. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you pack your toothbrush for the camping trip."

7\. My mother taught me IRONY. Someone has to make things funny when accidents happen.

8\. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Science Class, everyone!"

9\. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Now lower yourself down into the splits."

10\. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "Just one more step."

11\. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "We do not go hiking in the rain."

12\. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If your brother has to do chores, so do you."

13\. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "And it moves us all-"

14\. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "You need to develop good habits."

15\. My mother taught me about ENVY. "You are beautiful, so are your sisters. You can be beautiful together."

16\. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Only five more hours until we get there."

17\. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "Grab the ball!"

18\. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "Don't move that arm! It's broken!"

19\. My mother taught me ESP. "You will die in seven days."

20\. My mother taught me HUMOR. The above was a joke read from a fortune cookie. Classic.

21\. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "When you do your responsibilities without being asked, you're an adult."

22\. My mother taught me GENETICS. "And that's why we all have blue eyes."

23\. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Did you know you have Native American ancestry?"

24\. My mother taught me WISDOM. "Now we must pray."

25\. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "Two wrongs don't make a right. So you can't hit her."

 **I've seen the first list everywhere, and it** **infuriates** **me every time. That is NOT a good mom, at all. In fact, I'd almost call that abusive. I know it's meant to be funny and witty, but it's really not. So here's my answer, real life answers that happened in my childhood, that are still kind of funny. Also, I was homeschooled, and my mom was AWESOME. I know everyone thinks that, but for me it is true.**


	7. Might

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.

I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.

I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.

I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.

I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.

I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff

I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect

I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black

I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.

I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.

I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.

I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.

I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.

I'm ASEXUAL so I MUST just be looking for attention.

I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.

I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.

I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.

I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.

I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.

I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.

My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.

I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.

I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.

I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.

I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.

I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse.

I'm a CROSSDRESSER, So I must be gay.

I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.

I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak

I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.

I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.

I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.

I'm a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.

I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.

I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.

I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.

I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.

I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!

I'm WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.

I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE.

I'm not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.

I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.

I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.

I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.

I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins.

I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion.

I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.

I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.

I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.

I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.

I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.

I am a WITCH, so I MUST be an OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.

I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.

I like FANTASY, so I MUST have no grasp on reality

I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast

I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.

I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.

I'm STRONG so I MUST be stupid.

I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times.

I don't want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.

I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.

I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.

I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.

I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.

I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.

I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist.

I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake.

I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems.

I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist.

I'm ADOPTED, so I MUST be jealous of all other kids

I'm SKINNY, so I MIGHT enjoy how I look in a dress.

I'm EMO, so I MIGHT be crying out for help, so please help me.

I'm a NEGRO so I MIGHT really hate that term.

I'm BLONDE, so I MIGHT like hanging out in the sun. That's why my hair is light.

I'm JEWISH, so I MIGHT not eat pork.

I'm GAY, so I MIGHT have trouble finding people to hang out with who don't talk about me behind my back.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MIGHT not want to shop at a store that uses nearly naked girls to sell products.

I'm ARAB, so I MIGHT not enjoy hearing people hate on my country.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MIGHT be worth listening to.

I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so MIGHT have a reason to, if you want to listen.

I'm ATHEIST so I MIGHT still have morals.

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MIGHT be looking for something to believe in.

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MIGHT want to teach people to take care of themselves.

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MIGHT want to help people now, regardless of the future.

I am LIBERAL, so I MIGHT be more open in my views.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MIGHT be excellent at hospitality and have a cool accent.

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MIGHT be trying to get better after a long, hard struggle.

I'm a GUY, so I MIGHT love sports, or dance.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MIGHT be part of a great team.

I'm a DANCER, So I MIGHT have lots of fun at swing on Saturday night. Come join us!

I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MIGHT love how they breathe in summer, but keep you warm in winter.

I'm a PUNK, so I MIGHT be trying to look tough.

I'm RICH, so I MIGHT be able to help.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MIGHT love how it goes with just about any other color.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MIGHT look a little washed out in bright light.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MIGHT regret that fact.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MIGHT feel horrible and avoid that temptation in the future.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MIGHT have chosen life when the world didn't expect me to.

I'm PRETTY, so I MIGHT be tired of catcalls.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MIGHT have a bright future.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MIGHT be creative.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MIGHT be trying to stay modest, which is not fashionable.

I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MIGHT be someone who aspires to understand beauty.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MIGHT not eat that burger.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MIGHT be accepting.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MIGHT be a great older-brother to them all.

I have Big BOOBS, so I MIGHT have trouble finding a cute top that doesn't look indecent.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MIGHT be comfortable.

I hang out with GAYS, so I MIGHT be trying to understand them.

I'm a STONER so I MIGHT need help getting better.

I'm a VIRGIN so I MIGHT be saving myself for my husband.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MIGHT have good reflexes.

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MIGHT have more energy later.

I'm SINGLE so I MIGHT have higher standards.

I'm a SKATER so I MIGHT love to go fast and learn tricks.

I'm in BAND, so I MIGHT be good at an instrument.

I'm MORMON so I MIGHT try to follow Jesus.

I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MIGHT not think skin color matters.

I'm GOTH so I MIGHT like fishnet.

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MIGHT be human.

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MIGHT have a metabolism problem I've lived with since I was five.

I'm PREPPY, so I MIGHT be trying to stay away from groups that have hurt me in the past.

I'm on a DANCE team, so I MIGHT love having fun.

I'm YOUNG, so I MIGHT be discovering a lot of new things.

I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MIGHT have saved for years to get it.

I'm BI, so I MIGHT understand what both my guy friends and girl friends mean when they talk about falling for someone.

I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MIGHT enjoy a sport that doesn't involve fighting over a ball.

I'm ASEXUAL so I MIGHT have friends, but not romantic attachments.

I don't like the SUN so I MIGHT have really good skin when I get older.

I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MIGHT actually listen when they talk to me.

I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MIGHT not like belts all that much.

I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MIGHT just whoosh them out the window.

I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MIGHT be trying to show them a better way.

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MIGHT want to share the fruit of that with others.

I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MIGHT be better with one-on-one conversation.

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MIGHT laugh harder.

I tell people OFF, so I MIGHT call you out when you're in the wrong.

My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MIGHT not appreciate being compared to Severus Snape.

I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MIGHT have a reason to be, when you keep talking to me like this.

I'm a NUDIST, so I MIGHT believe in the beauty of the human form.

I read Comics, so I MIGHT know more about Spiderman than you.

I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MIGHT pray they never have to be one again.

I'm TEXAN so I MIGHT be worried about the hurricane that just blew through.

I'm a CROSSDRESSER, So I MIGHT enjoy the other sex's fashion.

I am a FANGIRL so I MIGHT have more fun watching my favorite film than you.

I draw ANIME so I MIGHT be seriously talented.

I WATCH PORN so I MIGHT want to connect with someone on that intimate level, but get pushed away whenever I try.

I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MIGHT love playing with your younger siblings.

I'm INTELLIGENT so I MIGHT make connections you wouldn't.

I'm a YOUNG WRITER, so I MIGHT need all the feedback I can get on my work.

I'm DISABLED, so I MIGHT be the coolest person you ever met.

I'm a FEMINIST, so I MIGHT think men and women are equal, but not the same, and they should be treated as such.

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MIGHT be in high school.

I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MIGHT just not like sunglasses.

I like BLOOD, so I MIGHT be alive.

I'm an ALBINO, so I MIGHT dye my hair interesting colors.

I'm WHITE, so I MIGHT sunburn kinda easily.

I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I MIGHT just not like romance in general.

I'm not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MIGHT bhave a few good friends instead.

I care about the ENVIRONMENT, so I MIGHT recycle.

I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MIGHT enjoy self-inserts.

I CHAT, so I MIGHT have relatives in different countries that I like to talk to.

I'm PAGAN so I MIGHT believe plants have spirits.

I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MIGHT want to protect the dignity of life.

I like CARTOONS, so I MIGHT enjoy simpler plots without a ton of sexual tension.

I like READING, so I MIGHT have read Inkheart.

I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MIGHT have tried other religions and found them lacking.

I am WICCAN, so I MIGHT grow herbs.

I DISAGREE with my government, so I MIGHT actually think for myself on occasion.

I am a WITCH, so I MIGHT be able to fix your fence.

I love YAOI, so I MIGHT like Yuri! On Ice.

I like FANTASY, so I MIGHT have a thing for dragons.

I DON'T CURSE, so I MIGHT be more creative with my insults.

I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MIGHT have more fun.

I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MIGHT actually get decent grades.

I'm STRONG so I MIGHT think twice about insulting me, if I were you.

I go to RENFAIRES, so I MIGHT love the cool food you can only get there.

I don't want a BOYFRIEND so I MIGHT be choosing religious life.

I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MIGHT have a different religion.

I love marching band, so I MIGHT play an instrument.

I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MIGHT need something else to do with my time.

I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MIGHT worry about them a lot.

I cry easily, so I MIGHT be under a huge amount of strain.

I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MIGHT be a good beta.

I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MIGHT really make a good beta.

I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MIGHT be a private person.

I like FIRE so I MIGHT make awesome campfires.

I'm ADOPTED, so I MIGHT look a little different than my parents.

 **I have a confession. When I started this story, this chapter was what I really wanted to rephrase. I actually agree with the sentiments of the original, that that kind of stereotyping is ridiculous, which is why it was almost fun to try and rewrite it. What do you think?**


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